The God of Stories
by Cynical Classicist
Summary: 17th in a series. The TARDIS lands in the Land of Fiction and the Doctor is kidnapped by a Valkyrie. Norine joins Dionysus and Xanthias to find the Doctor. References heavily The Frogs.


The Doctor and Norine worked on the TARDIS as it whirled through the vortex. "How often do we have to do this?" asked Norine, holding onto a cable. "Only every few years" said the Doctor as he worked on the time vector generator. "Now if I just do this…" There was a bang, throwing him of his feet. "No, NO!" he shouted angrily as the rotor made a nasty churning sound. "What happened?" asked Norine. "I misplaced a wire on the generator!" said the Doctor angrily. "Now power has to be diverted to keep it stable and the nice temporal orbit we were just in has been ruined!" "You can fix it?" said Norine, worried. "Of course I can! I've been working the TARDIS all my lives!" said the Doctor. "But it will mean spending a whole day in here. And I'll have over two hours of nothing to do!" He began his work when the TARDIS gave a jolt. The Doctor laughed. "Something seems to be drawing us over!" he said happily. "Could be dangerous" said Norine. "Yes, but that means adventure!" said the Doctor happily.

The TARDIS stopped. On the scanner a forest was seen with a lamppost. "This is like something from the Chronicles of Narnia" said Norine. "Maybe it's a literary re-enactment!" said the Doctor. "I hope it's not the Land of Fiction! He opened the doors and ran out. "Where are we?" said Norine, following him cautiously. "You're in Lantern Waste of course!" said a voice. They looked up to see a squirrel. There were days when Norine would have wondered if she had drunk something illegal but months of travel with the Doctor had stopped that. "Thank you!" said the Doctor. "So, Lantern Waste. Where about are we then?" "Beavers dam is just over there" said the Squirrel, scuttling away. The Doctor ran back into the TARDIS and checked the co-ordinates. "No co-ordinates" he said. "I think this is the Land of Fiction."

"So what is the Land of Fiction?" asked Norine. "A place where nothing is impossible" said the Doctor. "A Land of Fictional Characters. Gulliver, Unicorns, fairies, all sorts of creatures." "So why are we here?" asked Norine. "I've been here a few times" said the Doctor. "I first went here when I was about 450. I went here when I was rolling my metaphors and had a great meeting with Reepicheep, Radagast, and a Fool." He smiled. "So what should we do?" said Norine. "I think we should check who the Master of the Land is this time" said the Doctor.

They walked through the forest, passing an Ent and Banderbear. They saw a large body of water ahead. "Think we should go across here?" asked Norine. They heard a croaking "Brekekekex koax koax" and saw Frogs leaping about. "So how to get across?" said a voice behind them. They turned and saw a paunchy man wearing a lion skin and knee-high boots walking along with a man carrying some luggage. "Hercules?" said Norine. "See! My disguise works" said the man. "I mean…" He put on a deep voice. "…you recognise the Great Heracles, Strongest Hero of all?" A boat sailed by. "Pirates!" cried the apparent Heracles, diving behind the other man, who had set down the luggage. "Feel like fighting them Xanthias?" The boat stopped and the Pirates got out. They were dressed like Pantomime pirates, with skull and crossbones hats and cutlasses. "We're orphans!" said the Doctor quickly. "Well, we'd better be of then" said an older-looking Pirate with the most extravagant hat, seemingly their Leader. "We always meet orphans!" said another Pirate. "We never get any pirating done!" The Pirates miserably trudged back onto their ship, which had soon sailed away.

"It seems they didn't dare to fight the Lion of Olympus!" said the paunchy man. "Well, Dionysus, I'm sure they were terrified to be confronted by a lion-skin of wine" said Xanthias. "Dionysus?" said the Doctor. "Isn't this the Frogs? I saw the first performance!" "Yes, we need to think what the audience will say" said Dionysus. They heard a "Hojotoho" over them and looking up saw a woman in armour ride over them on a swift steed. Dionysus and Xanthias followed the Valkyrie with their eyes. "Evidently she will be delighted to meet the greatest hero of all!" said Dionysus. "I shame he isn't here" said Xanthias. "There is no battle here" said the Valkyrie. "I will leave!" "No wait, there is a battle!" said Dionysus. "Xanthias, have a fight with me!" He received a powerful punch in the chest and doubled over. "Ow!" cried Dionysus, and then remembered he was supposed to look tough. "Men on horseback! Look!" he said, prancing around. "She's gone" said Norine. Dionysus groaned while the Doctor ran after the Valkyrie. Norine ran after the Doctor, followed by the interested Dionysus and Xanthias.

As they turned the corner they saw the Valkyrie riding down to meet them. Xanthias punched Dionysus again. "Don't even need to wait for an order" he said happily as the God of Wine staggered in pain. "Doctor!" she sang musically. "You have been chosen for a great position!" "A great position? Hopefully not ruling somewhere? Far too much work" said the Doctor. The Valkyrie seized him and threw him onto the horse. "Hey? What are you doing?" said the Doctor. "It is the will of my Maker!" said the Valkyrie. She rode away with him, singing "Hojotoho!" "Come back!" yelled Norine, running after the Valkyrie. But the Valkyrie and the Doctor were soon out of sight. She turned to Dionysus and Xanthias. "We need to get him back!" she said. "Well…" said Dionysus. "That would be a long walk and…" "There might be other Valkyries there" said Norine. "I'll help rescue your friend!" said Dionysus in a mighty voice. "Xanthias, take the bags!" "All this talk of heroism. It would be more heroic if you carried these bags" muttered Xanthias, as he picked up the bags and groaned.

They walked along a yellow brick road to a towering mountain which had a huge castle on top. As they neared the place it got colder. "Are you sure this is the right place?" said Norine. "I know my way all round this land!" said Dionysus. "That place over there is Alfheim, that is the Roc Cliffs…" "It helps that they have pubs" said Xanthias. "You watch your mouth"" said the God angrily. "You don't get to be a God by being rude to your master." "No, you get it by having a Father who really gets around and leaving some grapes out" said Xanthias. Dionysus glared at him. "I don't know why I bring you along. I'm sure I could do just fine without you and only keep you out of the goodness of my divine heart!"

There was a growl nearby. Dionysus staggered back so fast he tripped on his lion-skin and fell over. "S-Sweet Xanthias!" he said in a panic. "You know I was only j-j-joking…" A man crawled out of a hovel, covered in rags, bleeding, and growling. "Who avails Mad Tom?" he said. "Wait! I was in the theatre. I remember playing…Cordelia" said Norine. "You're Edgar." "Edgar? Mad Tom knows not who you are, sweet Demon of Gluttony!" said Edgar in a state of panic. "Mad Tom's landlord Mr Stomach is demanding pay! Mad Tom is beset by the Spirits of Snow! Mad Tom's Landlord would be fine with frogs in his house!" "Maybe we should take him to the river" said Xanthias. "Mad Tom's a cold!" said Edgar. "Let's go on" said Dionysus, who seemed very uneasy around Edgar. They continued walking to the castle.

A beating of wings was heard. The four looked up and saw someone descending, a man with a winged helmet and winged sandals. "Doctor!" cried Norine, running forward happily. "Ah! My brother Hermes!" said Dionysus. "I have a message for you mortals" said the Doctor. "Turn back from the castle of the Master of this Land, or his fury will be upon you!" "What will you do otherwise?" asked Norine The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver, but with snakes twined round it. "Your sonic screwdriver? But you said that wasn't a weapon!" said Norine. "This is my Caduceus! If you continue I will destroy you!" He flicked the weapon in a menacing manner. "Doctor, something has happened to you" said Norine. "I am the Messenger of the Gods" said the Doctor. "You have been given the warning. I will go." He ran along and jumped into the air, flying back towards the castle.

In the castle of the Master sat several important figures. A clever-looking man whose brother was outside, a stern Fman in uniform, and nine women in armour. "Javert, Edmund, make sure these people don't come in!" he said. The two stood and left to repel them. "Brünnhilde…Be prepared to lead the Valkyries against them" he said to one of the shield maidens. "Of course Maker!" cried the Valkyrie.

As they approached the castle a tall figure in a hood and cape brandishing a gun met them. "Where are you going?" he said. "I am the Karkus!" "Don't shoot us!" cried Dionysus in terror. "Do you know an easy way into the castle?" asked Norine. "You go straight to front door. Lower entrance guarded by Soldiers. Karkus will now go." He walked away dramatically. They walked over to the front door but saw that it was locked. At the lower entrance were three clockwork soldiers, marching in front of it. "How to get in?" asked Norine. She had an idea. "Dionysus, do you have any wine with you?" "Xanthias" said Dionysus. "Bring out the wine." Xanthias opened the largest piece of luggage and pulled out a huge wine-skin. "Do any of you have a flame?" asked Norine. "Well, I could make some from some sticks" said Xanthias. "Well then make it!" said Norine.

Soon a small fire was made. Norine touched it to the wine-skin. "Hey!" cried Dionysus. "That's my wine!" But Norine threw it at the soldiers. The flame sputtered out and the wine ran along the floor. "No! My wine!" cried Dionysus in horror, running at it and trying to lap it up. The soldiers began to move towards them.

Dionysus looked up but seemed torn between his love of wine and his fear. Norine grabbed a stone and threw it at them, knocking one over. Another one bore down on Dionysus, who finally went with fear and ran. "They're slow" said Norine. "I think we can get past them." She ran round the soldiers and got to the door. "Come on!" she said. Xanthias ran to the door. "Wait for me!" cried Dionysus, tripping over, then getting up and running to the door. They pulled it open, ran inside, and slammed it shut.

They walked through the hall gradually and came to a locked door. "Better go through here" said Norine. She opened it and saw a huge three-headed dog drooling away inside. It moved at her, causing her to quickly slam the door. "Well, better go outside…" said Dionysus, his voice trailing off. Norine turned and saw White Robots moving towards them. "Oh Heracles help us!" cried Xanthias. "Great Xanthias, help me!" cried Dionysus. "Wait, I think I might know how to get through this!" said Norine. "Do you have a musical instrument?" "My lyre is in there" said Dionysus. "Of course! You'll scare them away with your lyre playing!" said Xanthias, taking it out. "No! I think we might be able to use it against the dog in there" said Norine. She began playing and opened the door. The dog slumped to the floor asleep. "Thank goodness the Doctor showed me the Harry Potter books" said Norine.

Steps were heard behind them, reminding them the White Robots were getting very close. "What if the dog wakes up?" said Dionysus, who still wasn't certain about going through the door. "Well, if you go on first the dog might be too drunk to care about me" said Xanthias. "And those White Robots don't look like drunks!" Dionysus turned, saw how close they were, and hurried inside, followed by Xanthias. They slammed the door while Norine continued to play. "Look for a way out!" she said. Dionysus saw a door and ran over to it, pulling it. "The door won't open!" he said. Xanthias walked over, turned the handle, and pushed the door open. Dionysus pushed his way past, closely followed by Xanthias. Norine by now was faltering and the dog was beginning to wake. She ran to the door with incredible speed as three pairs of eyes opened and a growl began. She slammed the door as a roar was heard.

She turned around and saw Dionysus staring at something. She followed his gaze and saw what she at first thought was a mirror. Then she saw it wasn't in the same position as Dionysus. It was him, lying back in a case. She looked around and saw a woman with long red hair in armour. She looked round and saw eight other women. She saw Xanthias as well, and she saw the Doctor. Other people were seen.

"Leave" said a familiar voice. They turned round and saw the Doctor as Hermes. "Look! There you are!" said Norine, pointing to the Doctor in the case. "I am…there?" said the Doctor. "How can I be there?" asked Dionysus. Soldiers and White Robots entered the room with the nine Valkyries, Javert, and Edmund. A voice from the end of the Hall spoke, coming from an old man on a throne. "This is the Master of the Land." "Doctor, you said you'd been here before" said Norine. "Don't you remember?" "Hermes, remember your allegiance!" said the man. "Remember what the Master of the Land orders!" The caduceus was pointed at them. Norine saw the Doctor seemed to be wearing something on his head. She ran forward and snatched the cap from his head. Hermes gave a scream and faded from sight. The Doctor left the case. "You've just made a big mistake" he said to the man. "Edmund, Javert!" said the man. They drew their swords and advanced. "What exactly is happening here?" asked Norine. "Come on, tell her! After all, the Master of this Land is supposed to tell stories" said the Doctor. "Very well" said the man. "I will begin."

"I was a dramatist. But while travelling with actors I was drawn into this world. I used them to create characters, to bring back substance to this world. I created Edmund and Edgar, the Valkyries, Dionysus, Xanthias, the Frogs, and the Pirates of Penzance. And then you come along Doctor. I've heard many stories about you. The travelling God." "So you brought me here?" said the Doctor. "No. You came here yourself" said the Master. "But think what else I could create from you." Various faces appeared on the screen, an old man, a younger man playing a recorder, a grey-haired man… "So many characters, so many stories. A whole Pantheon of Gods could be created from you" said the Master. "You can be Zeus, Apollo, Ares, Asclepius…" "We get he can be a lot of gods!" said Norine. "He is the greatest god of this land!" said the Master. "Dionysus is God of Drama and the Doctor is the God of Stories!"

"But what do the people you created think eh?" said the Doctor. "What do they think?" He grabbed the cap on Edmund's head. "Doctor, I wouldn't do that" said the Master. "You survived because you were so recent. But if the others are separated from their characters, they will not exist." "So is that what you are going to do then?" said the Doctor. "Force these people to follow your commands? Make them live in your land of stories?" "Which of them will oppose me?" said the Master. The Doctor flicked out his screwdriver. "I could turn of every character now" he said. "Regrettable. But I will show you how pointless it is" said the Master. "Edmund." Edmund stood to attention. "Stab that Xanthias dead" said the Master. Edmund walked forward and ran the Xanthias through. There was a scream from the fictional Xanthias, who faded for a second, before appearing again. "There is enough to create these characters Doctor. Which of them would oppose me?" He smiled and climbed back into his throne.

The Doctor looked around and saw Dionysus looking at Xanthias and crying. "God of Wine, why are you crying over the death of a slave?" said the Master. "He wasn't just a slave" said Dionysus. "He was…a friend." The Doctor scanned the Dionysus in the case. "Interesting" he said. "Do you remember anything of your life?" "I was…Harold Paper" said Dionysus. "What are you waiting for?" said the Master. "You are a God!" But other members of the characters were beginning to remember their lives, their real lives, before they became inhabitants of fiction.

Dionysus turned round. "Which of you will fight him?" he said. "Do not obey him!" cried the Master. "We can't…he created us" said Edmund. "But your nature is not to obey your maker" said Dionysus. "Don't you remember Edmund? You were treated badly by your Maker, as someone low. God stand up for Bastards and all that." "But this one…brought me in…"said Edmund. "I can't…" "I can" said Brünnhilde. "Georgina?" said Dionysus, remembering the true name of the Valkyrie. "It is my nature to go against my Maker…To go against his tyranny and destroy myself." "You don't have to do this" said Norine. "I do" said Brünnhilde. She smiled and walked towards the Master.

"Destroy them!" cried the Master in a terrible voice. The people of fiction moved, but slowly, unsteadily, their true selves re-awakened. Xanthias ran forward, but a blow from Edmund laid him low. Brünnhilde got to the Master and grabbed his cap. "I can rebuild this world. Your forms will still exist" said the Master. "But we won't have to continue like this" said Brünnhilde. She turned to the Doctor, Norine and Dionysus. "Go" she said. "You don't have to do this Georgina" said the Doctor. "I will find a way out...I promise!"

The Valkyrie held up a hand. "All plays end. At least this one will end well." She ripped the cap off. Immediately all the fictional characters began flickering like faulty lighting. Dionysus also began flickering, but the Doctor used his sonic screwdriver, holding the God just in place. "Come on! COME ON!" he yelled. "I can save one!" The God staggered, as the ground began to crack around them. "Grane!" cried Brünnhilde, flickering at a violent pace. A flickering horse moved forward. "Take them back…" cried the Valkyrie, her final words before she disappeared. The three moved onto the horse, which cantered away at an incredible speed. A red-eyed serpentine creature breathed fire at them as they passed and began to move after them, but the horse was faster.

"How can this horse exist?" said Dionysus. "Just need to keep thinking it can!" said the Doctor. "I've seen whole worlds made by thought. Surely we three can keep a horse existing!" The horse stopped next to the TARDIS and sunk to the ground, exhausted. The Doctor snapped his fingers and the doors opened. "Inside!" he yelled. "What about the horse…" began Norine. "It's truly fictional" said the Doctor sternly. "Inside!" They ran inside, the Doctor swiftly closing the doors. Dionysus looked around. "What stage-show is this?" he asked. "Different to what I usually hear" said the Doctor. "This is a time and space machine from the planet Gallifrey, millions of light years from Earth!" "If a world can be made from fiction, then why shouldn't another world exist?" said Dionysus thoughtfully. "What is happening outside?"

The Doctor turned on the scanner and they all watched the land re-forming around them. "It's reconstructing" said the Doctor. "There should be fictional versions of all who were used by this Master for the Land. Even of Dionysus." He dematerialised the TARDIS. "So, Harold Paper" he said. "Where to now?" Harold sighed. "I'm not sure I want to go home. I was Dionysus for so many years. This is the body of Dionysus. I know so much more, the works of the Tragedians. Where shall I go?" The Doctor smiled. "I think I know where" he said.

They materialised on a planet, slightly smaller than Earth with a red sun hanging over it. Dionysus and the Doctor stepped out next to a city still being built. "There you are!" said the Doctor. "This is the city Aeschylus. Former Earth colony, but lost a lot of records in a recent bout of solar flares. They love drama. You can fit in well right here!" Dionysus looked around. "I'm sure I will Doctor" he said. "How long can I live?" "Don't know. You're part fictional and real. I suppose as long as you are needed for. And there is always a need for stories." "Always a need for drama then" said Dionysus. "Goodbye Hermes, or whoever you are. I hope to enjoy myself here." He trudged off towards the city.

The TARDIS moved on. "Doctor…" said Norine. "You said something was drawing us towards the Land of Fiction. But later the Master said you came here yourself." The Doctor looked at her darkly. "Not entirely sure what happened" he said. "But when I was in that machine I felt something evil inside me." "The influence of the Master?" said Norine. "The Master of the Land? Could be but not sure about that" said the Doctor. "When I was working on the TARDIS I seemed to know I was doing something wrong, but I kept doing it." "Perhaps the Master was manipulating you" said Norine. "I hope he was" said the Doctor. "Because if he wasn't something else could be inside the TARDIS. And I'm not certain we left it in the Land of Fiction."


End file.
